equivocations | open rp post

There's a sense of delight as he meets the snarls with playful growls of his own, twisting and rolling and beaming happily whenever one of them managed to pin the other. He mouths at his tiger's ears a few times, sometimes tugging, sometimes just nuzzling.

He rumbles happily at what he's considering a kiss goodbye, responding by flicking his tongue out to lick his tiger's nose.

Then he bounds off, waiting until he's out of sight before he shifts into his human form to head into town. The merchants recognize him, of course, wondering why he's buying so many rice and pork dumplings, fried meat buns, and cherry-shaped pork along with his usual mandarin fish and vegetarian fare - it only occurs to him after he says they're for a special friend that they'll probably assume it's for Jiang Wanyin.

He'll have to have some more sent over for the lunch they're supposed to have tomorrow - but right now all he can think about is getting back to his tiger.

It isn't long before he returns with his purchases, once again in dragon form. He's carrying one large bag of all of the meat and quite a few of the seafood dishes, and another smaller bag of his own snacks in his mouth, tail swishing proudly behind him.

Now that we've got dinner, let me show you my favorite place in all of Gusu.

Will we need to fly there or will we run there?

He tilts his head and walks forward to sniff at the bags that his dragon carries. Jiang Cheng chuckles and snaps his teeth near him to tug at one of the bags to carry.

Let me help you carry these. It would be too suspicious to have a dragon carry such large bags of food.

He doesn't resist another lick to the dragon's cheek when he is close enough.

We can run most of the way, but we'll have to fly the last part. It is worth it, for the view of the stars.

There's laughter in return, and he teasingly keeps his grip on the bags for a moment when his tiger tugs at them before he lets him take one.

If my heart insists. Surely we will be much less suspicious as a tiger and a dragon with one bag each.

He eagerly tilts his head into the lick, then returns the gesture, long tongue snaking out to groom the fur on his tiger's forehead before he picks up one of the bags again.

Follow me? You'll know when we can run no further we when come to the foot of the mountain.

He closes his eyes slowly in response to the lick and holds the bag triumphantly. His heart feels so light, so happy. Jiang Cheng allows himself this feeling and this good thing to be his most treasured and happy memory. He pads around until he's beside his dragon and looks up at him.

Lead the way and I'll follow you.

His tail swishes happily as he takes off, bounding through the forest with his tiger at his side, and for the moment he couldn't be happier. For the moment, he can do what he's always done with his tiger - forget about whatever is upsetting him, disregard the composed Zewu-jun he always has to be with everyone else, let the rest of the world fade away until there is no yesterday or tomorrow, there's only him and his beloved.

When they reach the foot of the mountain, he kicks off into the air, hovering just above his tiger with forelegs outstretched in preparation to pick him up.

Ready?

Freedom. This is the freedom that he’s always loved having with his dragon. The night air, the freedom, the feeling of being so seen and cared for by someone.

He circles a few times before crouching and nodding.

Ready!

He drops down closer, until he can wrap his forelegs under his tiger's chest. His tail curls just under his tiger's back legs, to provide him some extra support and make it more comfortable as they fly. Then he hugs him close to his underbelly as he takes off.

It would be foolish, letting such a capable predator so close to his soft leg underbelly, were this any other tiger - but then it would be foolish for his tiger to allow himself to be carried off, were Lan Xichen any other dragon.

No one else has he ever trusted so completely like this.

He's mostly just going straight up, so it isn't long before they reach their destination. It's midway up the mountain, a small patch flat enough for a little forest and a pool fed by a mountain stream. The trees are sparse enough here that there is a perfectly clear view of the stars.

Xichen could never compare to the thrill and happiness that Jiang Cheng feels with his dragon. He tucks close against the Dragon's soft underbelly, purring at the soft comfort as he holds tight onto the bag of food. Not a single part of him is tense as it could be with any other being that could have carried him off. But then his dragon had flown with him since he was just a cub; Jiang Cheng is used to being held so firmly in the air.

It still is uncomfortable to see the ground lift away from him so Jiang Cheng just stares up toward his dragon, admiring the sleek and strong and capable body holding onto him.

When they arrive at their destination, Jiang Cheng has to remember to keep his mouth clamped around the bag and not stare in awe at the flat area that seems to be a perfect little slice of heaven.

Jiang Wanyin will never fly with him like this. He hopes, after they are both king and he is able to show his future husband his dragon form, that he will be accepting - but accepting is not understanding, accepting is not this. This freedom, of being at home in the sky and feeling the rumbling purrs of his tiger against his stomach, safe and warm.

He pushes it from his mind as best as he can when they land, instead focusing on his tiger's reaction.

I've never shown this to anyone else.

Not even Wangji, although his brother is certainly capable of finding it on his own. But he likes to think that he and his tiger are the only two who have been to this place in a long, long time.

When I was younger, after you reminded me that sometimes it was okay to be a little selfish, I used to flatter myself by imagining that it was made for me. For us, after I realized that you were the only one I wanted to share it with.

He sets the bag gently down on the ground and prowls the entire area before bounding back toward his dragon, leaning to scent him and lick at his cheek again.

It's beautiful. I can see why you love this place so much and want to keep it to yourself. to us.

Jiang Cheng moves next to him, purring loudly and rubbing the length of his body against his dragon's side. He nudges him eventually.

Come now, we shouldn't let your kill go to waste.

He sets his own bag down, tail swishing happily as he watches his tiger bound around. Once again, he feels his heart clench at the sheer amount of love he has for him, and he lets himself feel grateful that no matter what, he will always have this moment to remember.

At least he got to tell him, at least he got to show him.

He rumbles in pleasure when his tiger returns, nuzzling into him and basking in the easy physical affection, in the soft fur against his scales and the solid warmth of his tiger rubbing against him. From past experience, he knows he will smell like his tiger for a long time after this, with how much he's scenting him - but it isn't as though anyone else could tell. Wangji is gone, and his uncle hardly ever even partially shifts.

Another thing that will be just for them.

There's another pleased rumble when his tiger teases him about his kill - ridiculous, considering all he'd done was make purchases, but his dragon side is still pleased at providing for his mate.

He nudges the larger bag over to his tiger before ripping them both open.

Only the best for my heart.

Why couldn’t it be you...

The errant thought slips, unknowingly, through their bond and Jiang Cheng settles on the ground next to his dragon to partake in the feast.

The snacks that Xichen had provided had been enough for a human but not for his tiger form. In between bites, he selfishly scents his dragon again and again.

He knows that he’ll need to return back to Cloud Recesses before first light to not raise rumors he had slipped away to being more shame on their houses.

Lan Xichen is reasonably sure his tiger didn't mean for that thought to slip out. He wants to respond to it anyway, but - he doesn't have a good answer, not when it's a question he keeps asking himself.

He has never been more tempted to abdicate than in this moment, but there is no one for him to abdicate to. No one had ever doubted that he would take the throne, and even if Wangji had ever been a viable back up plan - he certainly isn't now.

He settles for winding his body around his tiger as they eat, head close to his and curling around him until he circles him entirely. It soothes something in him, being so completely wound around him, and when he's finished eating he rests his head on his tiger's neck, over where his ribbon sits.

I love you.

He finishes and licks at his paws, scooting closer and closer to his dragon. His sister could have been an heir. Could have. But she is wife to that damned peacock and could not lead their land as well as Lanling.

Something settles deep within his heart feeling his dragon surround him so completely. A deep sadness fills him when he feels it and hears it within him.

I love you.

He raises his head and scents him more, licks at him more. He wishes life isn’t as it is. He wishes that life had not been so cruel to both of them.

It isn't fair. Who will look after his tiger now? Who will comfort him when he is upset, who will shower him with the affection he deserves, who will tell him how wonderful he is and remind him that he is worth loving? Who will make sure he is not alone?

If he was in his human form, he knows that tears would prick at his eyes, and it would be very hard to stop them from flowing over.

Promise me. He mouths at his tiger's ears, buries his muzzle in the scruff of fur at his neck. Promise me you will remember that there is someone out there who loves you exactly as you are, who thinks you are perfect. Promise me that if it gets to be too much you will not let yourself break down alone, that you will send for me. I do not care what I have to do, my heart, if I cannot be there for you every day, if we cannot have each other in love and happiness, then I will at least be here whenever you are truly lost.

If he had not been tucked up against his dragon, he would growl and yowl and wail, slashing at everything within reach to show his displeasure at their situations.

Instead, he flicks his ears toward his dragon and leans into his touches, treasuring each moment of affection between them.

only if you promise me to never hide yourself. To never be lost within yourself or put your needs aside for the sake of others. Call for me. I’ll rip their throats out.

Ironic as this indeed is what his dragon is doing.

He whimpers quietly. What his tiger asks is impossible, when the only one he doesn't have to hide himself around is the only one he cannot be with. His tail curls tighter around his tiger, as if he can pretend to himself that if he just holds on tight enough, he will never have to let go.

If I truly did that, I would never go back. I would run away, stay with you. He nuzzles into him again. But I know myself now, because of you. I promise if it gets to be too much and I feel myself getting lost, I will call you.

He noses at the ribbon around his tiger's neck.

I cannot share my life with you, but we can always be a safe shelter in a storm for each other.

It is more than he should offer, more than he should try to take from his tiger - but he can no longer bear the thought of agreeing to never be there. Even if it is only when things are so bad there is no one else to turn to, they can at least have that.

Jiang Cheng raises his head and rubs it against his cheek, knowing that if he were human, his dragon would be the kind that cried. He has a hard time himself keeping his own heart from breaking.

He says nothing more and keeps nuzzling, keeps licking, keeps scenting, anything to curl and tuck himself closer to him. Love. That’s what he wishes to show. So that his dragon could feel love in this way and cherish it whenever he didn’t feel loved.

Love. He feels surrounded with it, consumed by it, and he greedily takes it all in so that he might remember this always.

And he gives it freely back, as much as he can. His nose nudges at the pads of his tiger's paws, feeling his toes press against his scales, he rubs his cheek and forehead and neck over every part of him that he can reach, trying to scent him as best as he can in return.

Eventually he rolls over until he's half on top of his tiger, forelegs tucked under his tiger's chest like he does when they're flying, though he makes no move to take off. Instead he just drapes over him, snaking his long neck around so he can press his muzzle to his tiger's nose.

They stay like that through the night; embraced and scenting each other until they practically reeked of the other’s scent. Not that his own family would notice. Maybe his sister but she wouldn’t say a word, just look softly and sadly at him.

All too soon, the morning light crests over the horizon and Jiang Cheng feels his ears flick even tucked and surrounded by his dragonet had been the best night and most loving night he’d ever had in his life. He licks at his dragon’s cheek, not wanting to wake him but also not wanting to alert the castle guards of his absence.

He stubbornly refuses to wake when his own internal clock begins to tug at him, curling tighter around his tiger. Even when he feels him lick his cheek, he buries his muzzle into his tiger's neck, shaking his head.

Why can't they be selfish?

A question he doesn't ask, because he knows exactly why.

After a long moment, he pulls his head back, carefully pressing his forehead against his tiger's.

I'll take you back down.

He closes his eyes against the forehead touch letting it last as long as it could. He wants to shake his head; take on whatever forces it is that keeps them apart. Hell, he has half a mind to fight off his own family and Xichen’s just to have his dragon.

I will only love you, my dragon, in my entire life.

It’s the truth. He will never love any other than his dragon. The ribbon is more than enough proof of that. He lets out a mournful growl, placing his paw on the other’s talon.

He doesn’t want to go back down. But he must.

He could refuse to take them down. It is a tempting image, the two of them up here in a world all their own, traveling around finding other spots like this.

But he is not his brother, and what he really wants -

Well. What he really wants is his tiger by his side, the two of them leading the kingdom together. His tiger would make a fine general, have all their soldiers in top shape, and he can think of no one better to talk over matters of the state.

Exactly what he is supposed to have with his husband, only it will be the wrong person.

And I will love only you, for all of my days.

He nuzzles into him at that mournful growl, giving a quiet one of his own.

But they cannot put this off any longer. He wraps his forelegs around his tiger again, holding him close, and this time he launches up into the air to fly them back down to the foot of the mountain.

There’s a part of him that wishes to fight back the entire way down; fight being brought back to reality. But when his paws touch the ground, Jiang Cheng gives one last kiss, one last scent, one last rub against before bounding off.

If he stayed longer, he wouldn’t leave. He shifts as soon as he leaps and lands in his room. Ten fingers. Ten toes. He checks the mirror to see the ornate ribbon around his neck.

His shaking fingers touch it even as he listens and hears the bustle of wedding preparations outside his door. He gingerly unties it and tucks it into his breast pocket.

Of all days to need his dragon’s strength, it would be today.

Lan Xichen watches him for a very long time, until he disappears completely from sight and he can no longer even hear him, until he has to accept that his tiger is gone.

For a moment, he lets himself be angry. Just a moment, just a brief handful of seconds to growl and snap - and then it's gone just like his tiger, and he just feels... numb.

He doesn't go straight back to Cloud Recesses. By now his uncle is well awake, and if he hasn't noticed his disappearance then attempting to sneak back in will certainly alert him. Instead, he heads back into town to return to the market, making a few more purchases from the shops there.

Whispers begin to spring up as he does, that the crown prince must love his betrothed very much to return so quickly for more things to please him, but he doesn't hear them.

Sure enough, his uncle is waiting for him in his quarters when he gets back, mouth turned down and face pinched tight. Lan Xichen holds up his carefully wrapped packages - so different from last night with his tiger.

"For Jiang Wanyin," he says quietly, and his uncle's expression relaxes, nodding in approval.

When noon arrives, he waits in one of the more private reception areas with lunch laid out.

"Jiang Wanyin," he greets when his betrothed arrives, with a warm smile that doesn't reach his eyes. "Did you sleep well?"

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