equivocations | open rp post

Oh. He reminds himself to stay collected and composed, and yet he would be lying if he said he didn't like the attention that Wanyin gives his tail and his fins. It isn't appropriate for a future sect leader to be vain, but - he likes his fins, and he's proud of how strong his tail is, and he's never had someone look amazed by him before.

He hadn't quite meant to explore that much - he knows humans use clothing to protect them from their environment, but it hasn't occurred to him that they might use it to cover things up as well. But he realizes where he must have been heading, and even though Wanyin doesn't stop him and he likes the way he goes red - Lan Xichen adjusts his path, moving to the back of his thigh and pushing up that way instead.

And he still preens into Wanyin's touch, enjoying the way his hand seems to leave echoes of warmth in its wake. Now that it's on his mind, though, he finds it a little difficult to continue to think of the touch as relaxing when it moves up higher.

There's a small, sharp inhale when Wanyin slides over his waist, along the transition from scales to his slightly more vulnerable skin - and it is fairly obvious that it isn't a pained reaction.

"Sorry," he says again, his head fins flicking in embarrassment. "You are - very handsome."

That cool hand still moves up his leg, this time, along the back of his leg, and up over the curve of his ass. Jiang Cheng feels his cheeks burns more. when that cool hand rests on it. Maybe they just didn't have personal boundaries in merpeople. He nearly pulls his hand away when he hears Xichen inhale sharply. His gaze turns up to his face, watching to see if it was a pained reaction.

Jiang Cheng reaches up with his other hand to touch at his head fins, that seems to twitch with how Xichen feels. He's going to ignore the handsome comment.

"Are you sensitive here? And here?" he asks, caressing at where the scales and skin mix and at the head fin.

Lan Xichen is - fascinated. He's starting to be used to how warm Wanyin is, to soft skin and firm muscle, but the curve of Waynin's ass is different from the back of his own tail. He cups it experimentally in his palm, pressing his fingertips in just to feel the slight give.

He gives Wanyin a small smile when he looks up at him, and there's another soft noise when he touches the fins at his head. Lan Xichen tilts immediately into the touch, without even thinking about it, though he goes a little still at the question.

"Yes," he says, very quietly, as if he's worried that admitting it will make Wanyin stop. "I-"

He hesitates for a long moment, shame at wanting more of his touch mixing with the knowledge that this would very much not be acceptable at Cloud Recesses. But - he knows Wanyin already, did he not already decide that, and decide to share more of himself?

It isn't as though Wanyin is going to tell any of the sect elders.

"Physical affection is not common, where I am from. I... wish sometimes that were not the case. If I like someone, I wish I could express it."

He manages to turn another shade of red when he feels Xichen squeezing his butt. It can't be that different than a merperson's, can it? He ignores it for now, instead focusing on letting his fingers map out Xichen himself. Physical affection just wasn't common for himself. He's seen it for others. a-Jie is affectionate with him. So there's that. Jiang Cheng resolves himself and continues to caress and touch at the fins. Clearly, it feels good to Xichen, so he's going to continue to do so.

"That's stupid. A place where you can't express how much you like someone," he scoffs.

He already long resigned that his father loved his shige more and that his mother was too consumed with bitterness about his shige to care to Jiang Cheng.

It doesn't seem to be a bad reaction, so Lan Xichen doesn't feel guilty about his appreciation for the way Wanyin keeps going red. He reaches out with his free hand, resting it along Waynin's jaw and running his thumb over his cheek, delighted when it feels even warmer.

"We can sometimes! It is encouraged between spouses, in private."

In theory. Not that Lan Xichen has much practical experience with that, considering his own parents hadn't lived together even when his mother was alive and his uncle never married, but why would their teachings focus on it being acceptable to show lack of restraint with your fated one if it were not encouraged to do so?

"Just not with a friend like this. Not so freely." And yet he's continuing to practically nuzzle into Wanyin's hand, unable to pull away from the touch now that he's been given it.

His hand slides into Wanyin's hair, scratching gently over his scalp and trailing curiously over his ear, rubbing at the skin behind it. "Is this... all right?"

Oh no. Oh no. Jiang Cheng realizes too late that he's wrapped up in a merman. The red on his cheek is cooled by Xichen's touch and he looks into his eyes, taken by how handsome the merman is. Why wouldn't anyone be encouraged to show their affection? Does Xichen have someone back home where he does show this kind of affection? His eyes slide shut when he feels the gentle scratch over his scalp. Wait, he said that it was for spouses, not friends. He opens his eyes open again, puzzled.

"...it's...all right if we're...that is--if we're not friends."

He doesn't know how to ask, exactly if Xichen means that they're more than simply friends. They had just met each other after all.

Oh. He likes Wanyin quite a bit, he realizes. His breath catches when Wanyin looks at him like that, and he can feel his stomach fluttering when they make eye contact.

Is this what having feelings for someone is like? He's read about it, of course, but never experienced it. They've known each other less than a day, but, well. Historically, that has not been a deciding factor for those of his clan when it comes to matters of the heart.

He's not quite sure how to answer that. He wants to be Wanyin's friend, but he also wants... more, perhaps? He doesn't know.

"I like you," he says firmly. "You're fun, and kind, and I don't feel lonely with you. You're very handsome and I love your singing, and I like - this."

His head fins twitch again, and he drops his gaze briefly before looking determinedly back up.

"What does that mean where you're from?"

He chooses to ignore all the nicer things that Xichen is saying to him and about him.

"Do you feel lonely where you're from? I have a hard time believing that you would be lonely. You seem like someone who isn't lonely at all," he says, incredulous.

He hasn't stopped stroking along the fins along his head, watching him as he drops his gaze then raises his gaze again.

"I--uh--"

He clears his throat, fighting for his blush to just calm down already. Jiang Cheng shifts a little, really noticing how close they are and how entangled they are with Xichen's hand on his backside.

"Well, that means...you are attracted to them and...and if they're amenable to it, you could...start...courting. Seeing each other more and getting to know each other better."

Lan Xichen frowns a little when once again Wanyin brushes aside when he says something good about him. This is quite clearly something now, isn't it? Does he not like it, or is it that he's not used to it? Perhaps it isn't something humans usually do.

His fins droop a little bit when Wanyin asks him that, though, feeling guilty. It isn't fair for him to feel lonely, when he has his uncle and Wangji and their whole sect.

"My father is... very busy, and my time with my uncle is usually about my studies and trainings. I don't -"

Have any friends, he almost says, but he cuts off. That makes him sound quite pathetic, doesn't it? And it isn't really true - he has his brother and he's friendly with all of their disciples. It's only that it's different, when he's the future sect leader.

"I don't have anyone like this."

Anyone to race him or laugh with or try to coax a smile out of, anyone who would let him hold them and would touch his fins like this.

He brightens a little at Wanyin's explanation, and he runs his hand through Wanyin's hair as his fins fan out once more. "May I court you, then? I would like to see you more and get to know you better."

His heart saddens when he sees a frown cross Xichen's features. He thinks of his own family. As...lonely as that is, he does have Wei Wuxian as his shige. As troublesome as he was, the man was loyal to him and the rest of their Sect. Even promising to be by his side when Jiang Cheng becomes sect leader. He laughs softly when he sees the fins fan out once more. Could it work? Being of different species?

"I...I'm going to be sect leader one day. Would that deter you? Once my father is not Sect Leader anymore, I'll be leading the Yunmeng Jiang Sect."

Oh. That is - unexpected. He hums thoughtfully, considering.

"It does not deter me," he says, before he has fully processed it, because he wants to make sure Wanyin knows that.

It feels dishonest, now, not to tell Wanyin that he will also be a sect leader, one day - sometimes it feels as though he already is, with his father absent. And really, he has already told him that he belongs to a sect, what does he have to hide now?

Especially if they are to be courting.

"I am a sect heir, too. Perhaps - when we are both sect leaders, you can help me convince our elders that we do not need to fear all humans." There is a pause, and then, "Does it deter you?"

He shakes his head readily.

“No, it doesn’t. I just...never has anyone want to court me before,” he admits. Jiang Cheng reaches to cover his face; how embarrassing. “And I haven’t...courted others. There just haven’t been anyone who interested me.”

Oh, no. That's cute, too - although not that Wanyin is embarrassed over having never been courted. It is hard to imagine that no one has wanted to before now - perhaps most humans have very poor taste.

He takes his hand from Wanyin's hair, tugging Wanyin's hand from his face instead and curling his fingers around it.

"I have never done this before, either." He considers for a moment, his head fins twitching briefly, before he asks, "Would it be all right if I told you something selfish?"

The cool fingers curl around his wrist and Jiang Cheng allows him to pull his hand away from his face. He's still flustered, embarrassed that he shared something so...well...so embarrassing with someone he had just met that morning. And that wants to court him so quickly. He should be upset so how petulant he is being. He watches as the head fins twitch, wanting to reach out and touch them again.

"Somehow, I don't think you have a lot of selfish things."

But he nods anyway.

His fins shift again, and he ducks his head briefly at that. Well. He's not so sure about that - although he supposes, at least, that even if he sometimes has selfish thoughts, he rarely acts on them.

Until now.

"I am glad that you have not found anyone you were interested in enough to court before now. Because... now I have a chance." He squeezes Wanyin's hand. "I don't like that you have been ignored. But if your humans are so foolish, then perhaps I will get to keep you for myself."

A chance? Someone as ridiculously good looking and kind as Xichen needing a chance? He feels that squeeze and Jiang Cheng again reaches out to run his fingers along the head fins again, then lets his hands drift down to the arm fins. If Xichen was so free with his tough all along him, why would he not be afforded the same all along Xichen? He swallows and runs his fingers along the sensitive waist.

"I'm not...ignored." He's clearly uncomfortable talking about this. "There's just...not--" He stops himself, not wanting to open up this part of him just yet. It's too painful.

With someone as handsome and kind as Wanyin? Of course he is only hoping for a chance. He melts into the touch, tilting his head into Wanyin's hand and arching a little into him when he skims across his arm fins and waist.

"I will not ask you to share anything with me that you do not want to. But... I will always listen, if you do." His hand strokes down Wanyin's thigh and back up again to his ass, tracing absent patterns over his skin and kneading at the muscle.

"I have found it lonely, sometimes, being the sect heir. There are expectations you must live up to, the fear of not being able to, and no matter how friendly I am with our disciples or how much I enjoy their company, there is... a distance, because of it."

He doesn't know if that is anything close to how Wanyin feels, but he cannot expect Wanyin to share about himself without doing the same. And Lan Xichen hopes that if anyone could understand, it is Wanyin.

"The distance is good. As long as the disciples respect you and know that you have their back as they would have yours. They'll know you to be the steady rock on which they stand with."

He reminisces on their own Jiang disciples, how the people of their sect and the pier happily get along with the Jiang family. He looks at Xichen and relaxes in the water, knowing that the merman wouldn't let him drown.

"Sometimes...I feel as if my father prefers...my shige over me. He dotes on him so much, lets him get away with far more than anyone else. My mother hates it," he says quietly. "There's rumors that swirl around, have been for so many years, that he--" He scowls. "That my shige is actually--" Jiang Cheng frowns deeper at the rumors. How it doesn't make sense. Not...but not with how angry his mother gets. That feels almost like an admission and betrayal without so many words.

Oh. Lan Xichen smiles at that, slow and pleased, looking at Wanyin as though he has just plucked a star from the sky. He likes that, likes the equality and loyalty that Wanyin speaks of, likes the idea of being a steady presence, comforting and protective. If this is the manner of sect leader that Wanyin will be, then Lan Xichen has chosen very well.

He pulls Wanyin a little closer when he relaxes, twining his tail around him a little more and settling him so he can take more of his weight and hold him up better in the water.

Ah. Wanyin doesn't have to finish for Lan Xichen to guess what kind of rumors those are.

"Even if he was, a good father should never act in such a way. What kind of man cannot see how such behavior affects his wife and his children? The fault is with him, not with you." He says it with conviction, at first, but as soon as he hears it he realizes he's just insulted Wanyin's father, which is - unspeakably impolite, and certainly inappropriate for one who is trying to court him.

"Oh. Wanyin, I apologize, I did not - " His tail thrashes a little in his agitation, before he reminds himself that he is a Lan and pulls in a breath to steady himself. "I only meant that I am sorry that you have been made to feel that way, and it is difficult for me to understand how anyone could do so."

It's so strange to feel the cool slide of scales along his legs and with Xichen being so close, Jiang Cheng is very sure that this is much closer than those who court typically are. He listens to Xichen as he reacts to what he had said of his own family. A protest starts at the back of his throat but dies when Xichen stops himself and apologizes. There's a splash that catches his attention when Xichen's tail thrashes in agitation.

"...expectations could be very high, Xichen. Sometimes so lofty that people can't reach them."

It's more revealing than he's ever spoken of his own family to anyone. Jiang Chen caresses the fins along Xichen's arms absentmindedly.

"But I know that I will be sect leader some day." With that, the silent promise that he would never treat his own children like that. Ever.

So Wanyin does feel the same way as he does, about the expectations he must live up to. Or - live down, in Lan Xichen's case, or at least sometimes it feels that way, although none of the elders or their disciples would ever say so to him.

And apparently, he feels the same as Lan Xichen does about the things that could be done differently, when he is sect leader. He already knows Wanyin will be a good one, but - he doesn't say so, not yet. He has little more to go on than a few sentences and his own belief, and that is not enough to make his case.

Instead he slides his hand over Wanyin's hip, up his stomach to rest on his chest, settling over where he can feel his heart beat.

"Do you have anyone who just expects you to be you?"

He's so close and Jiang Cheng feels his heart racing and beating harder in his chest. His gaze lifts until he meets Xichen's eyes. Something about his gaze, the presence of Xichen; how tightly the merman is wound around him; allows him to feel...as if he could trust Xichen. He has so far, he could trust him more. He could easily put up a false face, ignore his question.

"...no."

Wanyin's heart races under his hand, and Lan Xichen can feel his own begin to beat faster to match it. He wonders, briefly, if Wanyin will shy away from this question as he did the ones earlier this afternoon, if he will shut him back out again after they have both already opened up to each other.

Hope blooms in his chest when Wanyin answers honestly, and, feeling unbearably sentimental, takes Wanyin's hand with his free one and presses it to his own chest, over his heart.

"Neither do I," he admits quietly. "Will you let us be that for each other? Let there be no expectations between us, no need to keep up appearances. Here you can be Wanyin, and I can be Xichen, and that is all we have to be."

Whatever Sect he's a part of, Jiang Cheng frowns, they are missing out on how wonderful a person Xichen is. His hand feels along Xichen's chest, feeling the racing heartbeat beneath that matches the rhythm of his own. He struggles with himself, not wishing to be so vulnerable, so weak, yet Xichen has seen past the towering expectations that surrounded Jiang Cheng and saw him as...just as Jiang Cheng.

"...you can call me by my birth name." He isn't sure if Xichen is older than him or younger. He seems older. "...a-cheng...if...if you want," he says quietly.

As much as he wants this, for both of them, he doesn't want to push it on Wanyin if he's not ready for it. But that - he's taking that as a yes, and his face lights up. "A-Cheng," he says, trying it out, and his fins fan out happily.

"You can call me A-Huan, too, or Huan-ge, if you want."

Fear stifles him, briefly, but - he trusts Wanyin. Wanyin would never use any information he gives him to hurt him, or his family, or his sect.

"I am Lan Huan, of the Gusu Lan Sect."

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